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Launch Ramp Follies

By CAPT. MEL BERMAN, 970-WFLA  

If you ever want a truly entertaining spectacle, bring a deck chair, a six-pack of cold ones, and park yourself at the nearest boat ramp on a busy weekend. Then sit back and enjoy the antics of those who launch and retrieve their beleaguered vessels. Hang around one of these public facilities and you will see sights that defy description and imagination. Periodically, I have recounted some of the outrageous fishing characters that haunt our fishing trips.

Well my friend, today I aim my poison pen at some of those notorious boat launchers who show up at our Florida ramps during the most inopportune times.

"Mr. Get-Out-of-My-Way"  
There are those
in the boating public who assume that their fishing trip takes precedence over everyone else. No matter that there is a line of vessels dutifully waiting their turn to launch, this brash bozo has deemed his fishing trip far more important than us mere "common folk." He simply pulls up ahead of all the others who are waiting patiently in line at the ramp, and then commandeers next available slot. Most of us shake our head in disbelief at this arrogant display of rudeness and lack of consideration. Now tell the truth, wouldn't you enjoy... just once... going over to his parked vehicle and trailer and deflating all his tires?

"Messers Hot-To-Trot"  
Some folks are so worked up about going fishing; they can't wait to take a few minutes to check on the boat and trailer's vital statistics prior to a launch. How many times have you seen a vessel slid in the water, only to discover that the plug was not in. (Humbly, I confess to committing this stupidity on a couple of occasions.) The frantic effort to get the trailer back in the water and the emergency haul-out in this alarming situation would make the Keystone Cops look like a well-organized drill team.

"Senior I forget to hook up a line"
We all have at one time or another witnessed someone emulating an Olympic class swimmer, pursuing their boat as it drifted away. How much aggravation and energy could have been conserved had they checked beforehand making sure there was a line tied to the boat before launching.

"Help! I locked my keys in the car!"
Or how about this bone-headed miscue... was locking your keys in the car while it and the trailer are still on the ramp. I pulled this stupid trick, and had to wait a couple of hours before a locksmith could extricate me from this predicament. Now I carry either a hidden door key on my SUV or an extra set of keys in the boat.

"The Blockhead Launch"
Then there is the hapless character that didn't have a wood block or some form of chock in order to make sure that only the boat went into the water. On one occasion the Tight Lines Tackle's Vance Tice and I witnessed a fellow launch not only his craft, but also his big van laden with supplies for his painting business.  Sitting helplessly in his all but submerged vehicle, with barely enough exposed cab for breathing, we all frantically tried to pull his waterlogged van out. After about a 40-minute struggle and the use of two trucks to help extricate him from this predicament, we managed to get the van and trailer out of the water. After depositing his obviously damaged vehicle and its contents in a safe dry parking place, the undeterred driver blithely jumped into his small boat and announced "I'm gonna go fishing." Now that's what I call a "hard-core" fishing nut!

This is only a small sampling of "The Launch Ramp Follies." I'm sure you too have seen some amazing sights at these public facilities.  If you care to, drop me an email  with your eyewitness accounts of this "greatest waterfront show on earth"... your neighborhood boat ramp. Stay Tuned.
 


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